Tuesday, January 14, 2025

I've still got it

 I'm old.  I have wrinkles where muscles should be.  Black spots and other uglies have taken over my seeable skin.  These spots are not dangerous; just ugly.  I am a male.  All males think (or hope to believe) they are God's gift to the other gender - yes, just for the record, there are only 2 genders.  I am one; girls are the other.  

But since I turned "old," only my wife thinks I'm cute.  And, I'm not sure about that.  It wouldn't matter how many my photos I would display of my younger years, I'm still not a beauty...even then.

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My wife was given a gift card to Dairy Queen at Christmas.  Nice.  Monday, we drove south to the town of Jerrell which is the closest DQ to Salado.  Christine (dotter) drove up from Georgetown and met us for the festival.  Good stuff was consumed.

Sitting in a corner booth to my left was a mama, daddy, son, and daughter.  I think the dot was probably about 2 to 3.  Who knows.  Blond.  I just happened to glance in that direction and she peeked around her daddy's head, rolled her eyes, and flashed me a beautiful smile.  I was indeed captivated.  How do you spell mischeavous ?   spell check.  "mischievous"   She had a mischievous smile - a come hither glance - in her purple outfit she was something.    

YessireeBob, I still have it at 84 yrs.  I kept glancing over.  She couldn't keep her eyes off me.

The kicker:


As we left I walked over to the table and said to the mother, "Your daughter has been flirting with me."

She laughed and explained, "She is a He."

YessireeBob, I still have it.

m


Tuesday, January 7, 2025

bang up time

In my previous post - I thought the title about "bile" would attract the weird reader.  Apparently I was wrong.  In the past, my off color titles have shown to have more readers.  I wonder why that is?  

Now this post is not off color or even a hint of it - we'll call this a warning for those who don't want to waste time unless there is some naughty meat available.  Warning.  Warning.  Spoiler Alert.

Might I point out that we have arrived in the year 2025.  In this year I will turn 85.  I don't care what you say; that is getting old.  You may have heard that old people don't feel old in the brain dept.  It's the arms and limbs and back and other physical attributes (not a good word here) that feel off kilter.  About this age you can start saying anything you like and it will be treated kindly.  Old gaffer - talk bad - okay though - he's older than dirt - let's laugh at his mutterings.

I live in a great neighborhood.  In spite of having the title Amity attached, it's not bad.  Nobody really bothers you here.  You can have a big ole shed out back - about any size - nobody cares.  Have 2 or 3 sheds, it's okay.  Don't get the yard mowed weekly, nobody pushes you.  I have weeds.  Boy do I have weeds.  I'm doing what I can to get rid of them  No letters in the mail about weed growth.  [who can afford to hire a company to do weed control?  not a retired teacher, that's for sure.]   

On legal days, we can shoot off fireworks with nary a complaint.  Sure, some are issuing request to limit your noise because of dogs and post-war disorders.  Loud noises seem to affect those two groups more than others.  I can tell you that we have a 3rd group.  It (also) affects little old 84 year old wives that want to go to sleep about 10 p.m.  Consequently, this affects little old 84 year old husbands who want to keep peace with the spouse.

Our neighbors spend WAY too much money on pretty, loud fireworks.  For cheap people like me, they are fun to watch (free).  On every appropriate holiday, the big fireworks start just after dark and continue liberally until after midnight...or as I like to say "Midnight:30."  It is just not one neighbor; it is MANY neighbors.  The people behind us put on quite a show.  Again, it is fun to watch...big ole honking displays.  Neighbors enjoying the evening...have another hot dog and beer..."Hey, Ethel, watch this one!"

Knowing this was in the works for New Years eve, I was able to get my little Sadie out early to do her duty. Then, night began to fall.  All you-know-what broke loose.  Our dogs hid out in certain places - usually close to one of us.  Night fell about 7:30 or so.   The displays never let up.  The noise seemed to echo off the houses and the sheds.  My wife sat up in bed messing with her phone past midnight.  

At midnight:45 I was able to get Sadie out to "Flush" her system.  Even then we (she & I) heard 2 booms.  Sadie wasn't sure she was up for this adventure.  Job finished we went straight to bed.  The wife had the light out and was muttering something about spraying people with a water cannon.  

Daughter Christine's dogs never left her side.  About 2:45 I had to get up for my Necessary.  I asked Sadie if she needed to go out.  Popped right up - dogs forget and forgive easier than humans.  And, Yes, at 2:45, in the middle of her full squat, someone nearby set off a big Boom!   2:45!!! 

Cheeeeee!  I VOWED TO DRIVE THE NEIGHBORHOOD AT 7 IN THE MORN BLASTING OPERA FROM MY CAR SPEAKERS!!!!

👅👹😈😡💩💥😍   REVENGE!!

Oops, slept till 9:30 - forgot.  I hope y'all had a big helping of nice black-eye peas and ham.  Corn bread would have been nice too.

m

Wednesday, January 1, 2025

bile what?

 This is a bit "not me."  Short & sweet.

So, I did my duty on the throne on Monday.  Everything moved right along.  As I cleaned up, I noticed my product  (poop for those who are lost) was green.  Green.  Am I sick?  Why is it green?

Any guesses before I go on?

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The 30th was my daughter's 60th birthday.  We had an early family party - cake / presents etc. The party was on Sunday before my visiting family left to drive home in Lubbock & Waxahachie.  It was such a hurried up event, that my daughter even made her own cake - even though I did put candles on it.

Now my daughter had a vision:  Why should a red velvet cake be red.  WELLSIR, it is because you put red cake coloring in it.  But do you have to use red?  Of course not.  The choice is yours.  My dot decided to use Blue cake coloring.  Thus, we had a Blue Velvet Cake with white icing.  It was really pretty.  

I've entered a new era of my diabetes.  At 84, I am going to have small slices of things like birthday cake.  I'm hoping that I am not killing myself.  But, a small slice of blue velvet - if it doesn't cause a sugar problem, maybe it won't hurt.   The family, everyone, had blue cake and a great time.

Have you figured out the answer to my question yet?  

The daughter explains to me that your "bile" is yellow.  Look up bile if you don't know.   That yellow bile mixed with blue cake coloring    =   yes green poop.

She figures we are having Green Velvet Cake for St. Patrick's Day.

That's all for now - more maybe tomorrow - I have been too long away from this missive.

mtz