Monday, May 22, 2023

Mr. Charisma

Better stand back - I am loose on the world.

But First.
We all know that if you read something - anything - on the internet, it must be true.  Nobody ever posts anything that is not factual.  There is a close correlation to reading the horoscopes in a local  newspaper.  Horoscopes focus completely on me - just me.

Horoscopes are  composed by individuals who have an insight.  They must have.  Why would the paper publish an article that was not factual  (think fake news)?  Another Factual (making the word factual into a noun) are those little bits of paper you get at Chinese restaurants - yes, fortune cookies.  I've never read one ( or won, if you prefer  ) that wasn't true.

[I would have used the word inciteful here - but my computer says my spelling is wrong.  No alternate spelling is provided to me.  Let's try:  incitefull    nope, doesn't work either.  insightfull   incitful  ensitefull   Nope.  Give it up.]

Back to the horoscopes:   Mine today, Scorpio,  reads,  

"Your water-sign nature is supercharged today and will bring a wave of fun, a spritz of playfulness and a splash of drama to your day.  Who do you most want to influence?  Focus there because your charisma is on 10."

This brings up a few questions.   (1.)  what is a water-sign nature?  That's new to me.  It seems to provide a fluid way of describing the future day.    (2.)  "wave of fun"  How true.  If there were ever a way to describe me - it would be "wave of fun."     (3.)  "spritz of playfulness"   Surely they jest.    (4.)  Drama?  I have spent most of my life trying to dodge drama.  If you have ever taught middle school or high school girls, you know drama.    (4.)  Finally:  me want to influence someone?  I've had a long hard thought about this.  Influence.  the President?  The V.P.?   My banker?  The food industry who has found a way to double the cost of everything.  The boss of Coca-Cola should be horse whipped for doubling the cost of cokes in 12 months.  I could list other foods ... so could you.  I'll probably be arrested for making a terrorist threat against the CEO of Coke.  

Maybe my efforts should go towards influencing that frog who lives near my back porch.  It loves to lounge in the dog's water dish at night.  The dogs don't seem to care.  We call it frog water.  Might be tasty.  Who knows?  Good Frog.

Lastly, and more important----ly,   Charisma.  That is me.  Mr. Charisma.  Wherever I go, I light up the room with my charisma.  Yep, bubbling personality.  There is a word you don't write often.  bubbling.  Charisma -  Mr. Charisma - gads, did this horoscope peg me right on the button?  Of course they did.  I'm going out in the front yard right now and wave at everybody that comes by.  I may pull a few over and ask how their day is going - how's your mom - read any good books - where did you buy those good looking shoes -  because I am so interested in others.   

Mr. Charisma - shine on!



Wednesday, May 17, 2023

20 min. till EAT

5 P.M.  Everyday at 5 p.m.  I say the magical word "EAT."

3 dogs lift their ears and run to the kitchen.  We eat at 5.  Rain or Shine (unless I happen to forget or I am in another location or... y'know).

2 little dogs get a scoop of dry food  - big girl gets 3 scoops.

Then a squirt of salmon oil - I don't know why - the daughter thinks it is a good idea.

Finally, each gets a big tablespoon of wet food from a can.  Stir and Present.   I am a hero.

Many days all 3 circle me and stare starting about 4.  They cannot tell time, but they know.

That's it.

Morning feeding is done by the daughter.

Perhaps, if we were all fed twice a day one cup of dry food, a splash of salmon oil, and a tablespoon of wet food - just perhaps - we might all lose weight.  I'm not sure about that though.


After several days of rain, I mowed the yard.  up and down, this way and that.  The mower followed my commands dutifully.  Since my daughter wants the yard to be a mecca of plants, mowing is a challenge.  You must circle everything.  It is doable though.  Tomorrow, or the next, it will be weed eating time to clean up the yard.

While mowing in the front, a golf cart whizzed by - stopped up the street - and came back to where I toiled.  I shut down the John Deere to hear:   "What did you do with your Marauder?"

I am not complaining.  It happens all the time.  People love my 2003 Mercury Marauder.  Since we've been having storms, I stored it inside our shed out of the weather.  It is amazing to me how many people want to buy that car or just talk about it.  Ebay sells them for $14,000.  No, let's change that - they offer them for $14,000.   I cannot afford to sell it.  The Marauder is my backup car if the Flex ever gets sick.  You can't sell your second car for $14K if it costs you $40K to replace it - especially if it happens to be a classic.

None of my children want the Marauder when I croak.  I don't understand it.

6 minutes to EAT TIME...  I love my Marauder.  I wish it had a better radio and the AC worked.  It died last summer.   Maybe, soon, maybe I'll get the AC fixed and have a good radio installed.  That would be nice.  Still, with 167,000 miles on it -it is not really a daily drive.





Sunday, May 14, 2023

Mum's Day

I had a mother.

My mother had a mother.

My grandmother had a mother.

And, she had a mother.

This could go on for several pages.

It is something I have never thought about until I started doing the 23 & Me / Ancestry dot com.

How many mothers have their been before "I had a mother?"

Now figure this out.  A mother didn't appear out of nowhere (depending upon your belief system with Adam and Eve).  Science has shown we evolved down to where we are.  According to 23 & Me, I have some Neanderthal in my background - so does my wife.  So Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals messed around together - or they were fighting and doing all that sorta thing victorious victors (cute) do after they conquer another group of the less-victorious.  I realize, none of this need be said.  If you, the reader, have half a brain, you knew this merely by watching certain shows on TV.

But way back there, you had a pre-mother.   She was either a Homo Sapiens having a Neanderthals kid, or a Neanderthal lady having a Homo Sapiens' kid.  That is how it works.

Reading in my Archaeology magazine, I read where they found a Neanderthal's cave in which the "N(s)" were cooking their own vegetables in pots.  They dated it to over 3500 years ago.  Really.  3500 years ago.  I don't know if it is more impressive that they had pots and cooked 3500 years ago  - or - it is more impressive that someone figured out how to measure the time.  Or was it 35,000 years ago?  That may be it.  I need to re-read the article.   I really think 35000 is a more correct number.


In my own family, my parents were born in 1910.  I appeared in 1940.  My youngest was born in 1970.  I'm thinking he had a child about 2000.  This shows to be 3 generations in 100 years.  Sure, several years back, people married when they were about 13 to 15 years old giving their people about 5 generations per hundred years. Now - figure - 5 generations in 100 yrs.  That would be 50 generations in 1000 years.  That number may be a bit high.   So multiply 50 times 3500 years =  175,000 ancestors -- or 175,000 mothers.

Even if I am off several thousand mothers in 3500 years - folks, that is a lot of moms who were born, matured, married ( or attacked ), and bred a female who - - you got it.  Those moms had to live, eat, have kids, and survive long enough to create another cycle.  Mind boggling to me.

What if that number were 35,000 years ago.

Some were lucky enough to survive the pimples, plaque, measles, mumps, COVID, etc.



Related, but unrelated:  If the Heaven thing works like they say, we'll all be together once again.  You walk through the gates to greet your mother once again - And, standing behind her, as my daughter Christine commented, behind her in a line -----  175,000 grandmothers waiting to greet you - each one tweaking your cheek and commenting upon your cuteness.   175,000 hugs going through the gate.

As a side note:  that would be several thousand grand uncles ready to rub your head and no telling how many grandfathers spitting tobacco juice.  Probably many of the grandfathers didn't make it through the gates since they were off pillaging and messing with Neanderthal females.  There are rules about getting through the Heavenly gates you know.

We move on.

Happy Mother's Day to my wife.  Today, we cook meatloaf for lunch - her favorite.

And a Happy Mother's Day to my mom, Sara Leanna Smith Metze - waiting in that long line beyond the gates.  

I would be remiss to not mention my wife's mother Josephine Macha Cooper - one of the finest cooks, baker, housewife, and mom --