Thursday, August 28, 2014

Humor from the Paper - what there is of it

To cut to the chase, drop down to the blue words.  The black words are just ranting.
Corsicana Daily Sun - Our newspaper - just received a letter from them.  They are cutting delivery back to 3 days a week Tue, Thurs, Friday  ....  or is it Saturday? Probably T-T-S nor T-T-F.  I suppose there is a cost involved with putting out a paper, and profit must come from somewhere.  
There is no doubt - I am not a salesman nor do I know the answer to all sale problems - but it seems to me that this paper, instead of cutting days, should figure out why they lose money the other ways.
Example:  Are they lacking advertisements?  If that is the case, what would I do to make a change.  First thing I would do is to find a hungry / good salesman.  Surely in this day and age, there are salesmen out there who are hungry.  I love the word: "Surely." (you prolly thought I'd say hungry - nope - never love being hungry )  
On Tuesday in addition to our regular paper, we get a free advertising paper which is nothing but advertisements.  That's it; just advertisements.  We never open it. The paper makes good fodder for my daughter's rabbit cage.
Back to their problem.  Are they not providing good reading material for the people. Are subscriptions down?  They have a page or two of sports.   One full page of announcements - every paper looks the same.  There is one full page of religious announcements.  The paper is the same.  I read the same features daily and fluff off the remainder of the paper.  What do other papers of this caliber do?  I think there may be a need for change.  Somebody call Obama.
Every edition has 2, maybe 3 or 4 ramblings from editors and commentators and the like (not to mention the sports page talkers).  Most columns are filled with homespun humor.  Sure they are fun to read, but are they meeting the subscriber's needs?  In today's climate we have all these things like facebook and so forth.  People can get cute stories all day long on the Net.  My wife just showed me a really cute one of a baby elephant trying to act tough.  This stuff is everywhere.
What's the point.  Newspapers are failing and sinking many places.  They are run by people who don't know what to do to get readership up.  As a retired band director, I attended conventions and workshops - one after another - looking for ways to improve my band's product.   Do newspapers have conventions with topical subjects?  I don't know.
 Defensive Point.  I write this blog; but, I don't know what to do to get readership up.  If I had more readers, maybe I could find a way to turn it into cash.  Controversy?  More Sex ?  More politics ?   Pictures of my grandgirls ?   Dfirty jokes?  Recipes?
Our local paper columnist Janet Jacobs had a bit the other day on Stupidity.  I thought it was sorta cute even though I imagine she found it via email or u-tubby.  She did give credit to a couple TV stations.  I hope I am not breaking any copywrite rules by doing this.  If so - send me a cease letter.   I can cease with vigor and style.
She wrote about this guy in Seattle on a bus listening to music on his phone.  The guy opened his eyes to see a man and a woman holding his phone.  He demanded it back, and they beat him up on the bus  (where's the driver?).  The couple ran off the bus w/ the phone and this "beat-up" feller in hot pursuit.   
Pause here and ask yourself:  "I was just beat up by these two yokels.  Should I chase them down the street?"   Well, folks, he did.  Apparently he was quite threatening because the dame called the police for help.
Yes, she called the police.  The police came - found beat-up guys phone on her - arrested stupid babe and her attached bum.   Now, that was stupid.  No doubt in my mind.  But wait, Janet wrote about another story:
She tells about a 22 year old guy who stole a safe out of a pharmacy in the predawn hours - Swansboro, N. Carolina.  they said he broke in through the drive-through window - tied a rope around the safe and drove off.  It was too heavy to lift into his car, so, naturally, he just drove down the street dragging the safe - 2 miles he went before a cop stopped him.  I betcha the safe wasn't blemished.
Janet's last stone is just an eye-roller.  A west Texas couple - don't know where - maybe in my hometown of Levelland - kept their 9 kids out of school to  be home schooled.  { My feelings on Home Schooling will wait for another day.  Boo Hiss. } This couple knew that the "Rapture" was coming just around the corner, any day now. Education wasn't needed at this time.  Let's get ready for the Rapture.  The problem was discovered when their 17 yr old daughter ran away from home and tried to enroll in school.  She couldn't tell them what grade she was in.  Call the law.
That is really quite sad.  Ignorance seems to breed Ignorance - or stupudity.
And I stop for the night.  You guys take care.  Maybe better humor tomorrow.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

bit of rambling

COMPLAINT:  stupid phone rings all the time with calls from 1-800, Unknown Caller, New York, Private number - this morning an honest one from JII Teleservice --- whoever that is.  Nobody leaves a message. They just call and move on to other people who "dumb-like" answer.  They try to trick me.  The other day I had one from my own phone number - and, then, one from 2 digits off my number. Somebody MUST BE buying from these stupid folks.  Surely.  Just like the bums on the street corners asking for handouts.  If nobody would give them anything, they would go away.
How do journalist write everyday?  I know they get paid - no writee, no payee.  Still it must be hard for a columnist to find an interesting topic each day.  My plan was to write each day; but, now I have skipped a day.  Betcha I skip more days.
On my desk is an article which says my new car - Ford Flex - has a recall.  Ford has not told me. Get this newspaper  talk.  "The company says that because of improper installation of a chip in the axle, the half-shaft can disengage from the linkshaft."   CAN?   WILL?   What then?   "Oh, don't worry about it, your half-shaft just disengaged from your linkshaft."  Why is half-shaft hyphenated and linkshaft is not?  In today's climate we have so much to worry about.
On the news this morning I heard a report.  Remember when the crazy guy went into a moviehouse showing Batman and shot the place up?  Aurora, Colo.?  Well, the theater was sued by the victims and the theater lost.  The judge said (paraphrase) in today's climate of mass shootings the theater should have known there was a reasonable expectation for their theater to be shot up by a crazed maniac.  Yes, the theater lost.
.   Lemme explain:  This means that ALL theaters should put on guards and weapon detectors by the front door.   Wouldn't a grocery store expect to be shot up?   Some mom & pop jewelry store should expect to be attacked.  Everyone should be, and you will be sued when it happens.  And, this frothing judge will declare that you are the bad guy.   Pay up.
     I read that BP has paid enough money to Texas that Texas Parks and Wildlife has bought a bunch of land and will build a new State Park.   I don't think this was the intent of the money that BP had to pay.  I believe it is wrong.  Nobody asked.  How long will BP be punished?   Over-kill.
time to eat - more tomorrow - I have a couple of humor things - maybe this afternoon.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

sleep plus

Today is the day to step out on your back porch.  I didn't say Stay on your back porch, just step outside.  It is hot - oppressive hot.  No wind, No breeze, No movement.  Only the sound of Oscar barking at me to throw his ball.  This is THE day to step out on the back porch and record your heat memory of this summer.  Then, next winter, when you have one of those north winds blowing you off the porch, maybe you can play back this memory and remember why summer can be so tough in Texas ... and why you love spring and fall.
In spite of what I scribed about no movement outside, today the hummingbirds are battling for dominance over our feeders.   We tried and could not count how many are here.  Those critters are so fast, it is difficult to determine which ones have been counted.   My favorite are the ruby throated ones.  That is such a pretty red.
Today should go down in history.  A plaque should be inscribed and mounted somewhere of importance. After lunch we laid down for a nap.  I was so sleepy I couldn't hold my head up to play Candy Crush.  All of the dogs were in the house, sleeping.   Why a plack/plaque?   My wife and I both woke up completely on our own.  Not one dog started barking the entire sleep time - AND - more remarkable per chance - the phone did not ring at all.  Do you know how remarkable that is?
I can remember Sunday afternoons after we first married and I got my first real job.  We moved into a small house in Sudan.   After ...    
           =========== COMMERCIAL BREAK   =================   
It is now 4:37 pm.  Our phone just rang: it is uh 1-800 number from "Unknown Caller" ....  our very first 1-800 call of the day ....  (don't you just love caller ID?)   Another plaque to hang please.  
           =========== END COMMERCIAL BREAK =============     
.... After lunch we might plop down on the couch or the bed or an easy chair.   More than once I was shaken awake by the sound of a car door slamming outside.  Usually it was my parents who drove up from Levelland for their Sunday afternoon out.   Now that I look back -- not then through sleep filled eyes -- that was sorta nice.   My father, being cheap and things were different back then, would NEVER had thought to call us to see if we were going to be home.  They never seemed to stay for supper - just stop in and visit.   Of course, of course, of course, this happened more frequently after Christine, their first born grandchild, entered into our world.   New parents can remember when getting a few short extra winks of sleep were glorious.
Our first house was in Lubbock - I'll talk about that later.  We had money of our own.  It was the first time we had money.  Naturally I lusted for a better car.  I had fallen madly in love with the big Pontiac.  We drove to Lubbock a few times and looked around - I can remember looking at a big Olds.  It was okay; but I was not in love.
One of those Sunday afternoons  - nap time - car door slam - etc.   We went out to meet and greet under the big tree in the front yard.   My father was driving a light blue 1963 Pontiac Star Chief.  It was just beautiful to me.  It seems he borrowed it from a Levelland car dealer and drove it up for us to see.  I cannot remember what we paid or how we paid  or when we paid.  All I know is that we had that beautiful blue Pontiac Star Chief and became a two car family.   
As much as I might have fussed in my earlier life about the things my father did, this was one of his shinest hours.   In the future, I see a blog describing all the cars I have owned.  I'm sure that is one you'll long to read.
enough for now.
If I remember, next:  I will describe all the places I have lived.  That should keep your interest peeked....or is that peaked?
mtz   #3
A.  ( Let's go see if a fresh glass of iced tea will make the day better.)
B.  ( My wife tells me that my previous post was wrong.  She says we sat in the front seat next to Mrs. Allison our driver.)
C.  ( It is 5 o'clock.  Time to feed the dogs.  They are such good critters.)

Saturday, August 23, 2014


It has been a FOREVER since I posted.   Summer has been busy and I, lazy.  I was uh-Thinkin'  --- I should just write down things as I dream of them.  This one for instance:

We listen to Ed Wallace on 570 AM every Sat. morn.  He is suppose to be a car guy - but he writes other type articles for several major news places.   I find the show interesting even if he is a bit egocentric.  Lovable guy in my estimation.  His website is  There is a lot of stuff at that site - and he doesn't seem to be either Democrat (boo) or Republican (yea).

Today he is talking about some study which shows that the music of your youth is the "best" because it comes from your youth.  It seems your brain releases endor-phones (sp) and other pleasure stuff when memories of your youth come up; thus, the music is the best.  Make up the rest of the story for yourself.  That could be why my father liked Lawrence Welk and we didn't / couldn't.
So this type of thought brought a song / stone to my mind which came from my 9th grade year - I think.  It could have been the 10th grade.  Nah, it was the 9th grade.

My romance with my wife started in the 8th grade, mid-8th grade.  She was a 7th grader in our JHS band.  I was 1st chair cornet; she was 1st chair alto saxophone.  Sitting next to me was Thomas Taylor - I wrote about him in an earlier missive, probably with this part of the stone. Sitting next to my wife, Brenda Joy Cooper, was Nancy Cole.  Thomas was taken with Nancy; he always talked about her.

Now somewhere in Thomas' mind, he must have thought that I had more liberty in my life than I did cause he wanted me to show an interest in Brenda Joy, double date - I didn't even know her name at this time - afterall, this was Band;  I was busy playing my horn and dodging spit wads.  So, with his prodding I did talk to her somehow, and we never moved on to anyone else.

Marching contest back in those days was in the spring.  You'd go to concert and sightreading; then, in the afternoon, they would start marching contest.  That had to be a tough day for directors. Our JHS went to concert contest that year at Tech in Lubbock.  I could be wrong about the contest location.  Doesn't matter really.   We JHS kids ended up on the Tech campus looking around and visiting the museum. Strange what one can remember at times.

That evening we went to the Lubbock stadium and watched the bands march including our Levelland H.S. marching band.  By this time brother Jim was in the marching band.  He had described the marching routine for me.  Why?  I don't know.  In those days a band had to include specific marching maneuvers:  flanks, columns, obliques, etc.  The band lined up on the far sideline and marched towards the judges.  They completed all required maneuvers before reaching the hash mark.  Then, they spent the rest of their show just doing what they wanted.  Me thinks that released them to be more innovative.

So I sat with Brenda Joy and Thomas sat beside Nancy in the stands.  I was so innocent.  At one point trying to hold her hand, I laid my hand on her knee - she was wearing our red wool band pants.  Thomas was all excited because I had made "The Move."  I didn't even realize that I was being aggressive.  Embarrassed, I moved the hand.  Strange what we remember.

I do remember that she would not let me hold her hand in public or if ANYONE were near.  It was a battle to do that.  This brings me to the song.   One evening the Methodist youth went to Lubbock for a skating party - roller skates (not blades or ice folks).  My wife was a good skater. I lacked certain skills other than going straight ahead.

She and I rode in the back seat of Sharon Allison's cadillac.  Sharon's mom drove.  That was luxury...a Cadillac.   We rode over there together and back in the back seat.  I cannot remember if we held hands while skating - I suppose that would have been socially correct.  On to The Song.

I know you won't find this as funny as we.   On the way home, the back seat was dark, really dark. I made the move for her left hand.  She pulled away.  I tried again.   Just then on the radio, the song:    "Let Me Go,    Let Me Go,     Let Me Gooooo.....Lover.  Set me free,   Set me free....." She and I looked at each other and giggled. I made the move again, and scored.

That's it.  Nobody said all blogs had to be earth shaking.