Arsenic

We are exposed to so much on TV and from that we learn and our lives are affected or changed.
.
One of the things I have learned is to never poison your spouse with Arsenic.  While arsenic is powerful and will get the job done, there are other problems.
.
1st of all:  the arsenic remains in your hair and fingernails forever.  If you poison someone with arsenic, eventually some crime stopper will dig up the body and discover the poison traces in the hair.  Then, what can you do?
.
2nd:  When arsenic is discovered in the remains, some hot shot detective will find minute traces of this substance in your garage on the 3rd shelf from the bottom behind a can of motor oil.  Somehow, your finger prints will be on the inside of the container, and it will be genetically linked to the exact brand you purchased at a home improvement store over 1000 miles from home.
.
3rd:  Of course, even though it has been 17 years, the home improvement store will have a video of you purchasing it.  The clerk who handled the transaction will still be working behind that counter - thinking you were acting strange - the clerk (on minimum wage)  conserved your fingerprints and DNA plus a copy of your handwritten check for the past 17 years, preserving the evidence in a small dust colored cigar box located on the 3rd shelf behind the counter.
.
4th:  If the above situation does not occur it is because at the funeral, a nationally known TV detective just happened to be visiting the cemetery during the funeral of your poisoned spouse.  In spite of standing 12 rows over, this TV detective smells the aroma of almonds wiffting in the breeze  (I made up the word wiffting).  The TV detecting runs to the gravesite during the service jumping on top of the casket just as it is about to be lowered into the ground proclaiming in long words what he has observed.
      Standing at the back of the gathering is a real-life detective who, in spite of 25 years of training and years of service, had been unable to pin the death on any particular substance.   He pushes his way through the crowd  thanking the TV detective for his fine work.   I might add two things about the real detective.  His nose can't smell almonds, and he has a moustache.
.
5th:  The real murderer is hiding behind a bush;  you can see his (or her) gloved hand moving back a leaf covered branch as the music volume increases.   
.
There are more things to be learned from TV.  I"ll try to report some of these in the near future.
m3